The End of An Era

Hi everyone,

Sad post today. As you can probably tell, I've had a lot going on in my life lately and I've had to make a couple hard decisions. Recently, I've become very involved in a local game store in Winnipeg (A Muse N Games), so far as to get my Level 1 Judge certification to run their FNMs and GPTs. I've also entered back into the romance market as well as getting more overtime at work. As a result of all of this, my time has been significantly cut down and I have to sacrifice something and I've decided it to be my blog. I've had a ton of fun doing this, but the time it takes to find a card and research it fully (something which I admit I hadn't don ein my more recent reviews) and then write an accurate (and sometimes funny) review for it takes a lot of mental energy and at the end of a 10-hour day in a woodshop, that's just not possible.

I'm currently working on a couple other projects and, if they go through, I'll be sure to post links here, but other than that I'm done.

Thank you to everyone who came here regularly, those who came once or twice, and those who accidentally stumbled on this blog. It's been fun.

-Jay-

Soratami Mirror-Mage

Despite the fact that I love the Kamigawa block, I'm not above admitting that it had terrible cards. This card is irredeemably bad. Basically, this costs 6 mana to bounce a creature, 5 if you haven't played a land that turn. Even for Limited, that's pretty bad and that's a format where 5 mana kill spells are considered usable. Even the body can't save it since a 2/1 flier for 4 is also bad. Sorry Kamigawa, but you had really bad cards.

Pros: Repeatable creature bounce

Cons: Bounces 3 lands, 2/1 flier for 4

Rating: 0/5

Cruel Fate

The best I can do for this card is to hold my head in my hands, making a dejected mewling noise, and mumble something about Second Sight being better.

Pros: Rearranges an opponent's cards, mills one

Cons: Sorcery, costs 5

Replacement: Second Sight in all cases

Rating: 0/5

Loathsome Catoblepas

Loathsome is definitely the right word to describe this thing. To start, it's a 3/3 for 6. Already, we're off to a terrible start and it only goes downhill from there. Next, it's got an okay ability ("okay" being relative to every other ability ever printed in Magic) but you have to pay for it, which isn't great. Finally, it has Ichor Slick as a death trigger, which is pretty good. However, to ensure that that Ichor Slick triggers, you have to pay 7BG and even then it might just get a gribbly thrown in front of it. Even for a common, this thing is bad. The only thing that saves it from complete rejection however, is that Ichor Slick. If you can sack this yourself at a key moment, you might find a use for it. Otherwise, disregard entirely.

Pros: Ichor Slick on death

Cons: 3/3 for 6, ability requires mana

Rating: 0.5/5

Soldevi Steam Beast

So, this thing is basically a 2/2 for 5 with a regen of 2. Do I really need to go into more detail about why this thing is so bad? Alliances had some pretty powerful cards, but this is definitely not one of them. Even if you gave this vigilance somehow, it's still just a 4/2 for 5 with regen which, while better than its original form, is still far from "good" since its regen will still give an opponent life. It's not so much a "steam beast" as a "steam hindrance".

Pros: Colourless 4/2, regen

Cons: Gives an opponent life on tap

Rating: 0.5/5

Quik Quickies Quickly

It's a 4/2 for 3. That's not bad. If it had first strike, it'd be better.

Pros: 4/2 for 3 when swinging

Cons: Vanilla 4/2 for 3, only 4/2 when swinging

Rating: 2.5/5

A little underpowered cost:mana ratio-wise, but given its ability, I can forgive it. Kind of.

Pros: Exiles things it hits

Cons: 3/3 for 5

Rating: 2/5

Bad. Just bad.

Pros: 4/4 for 4

Cons: Makes your stuff cost more, effectively a vanilla 4/4

Rating: 0.5/5

Amazing blocker. Seriously, this thing is great.

Pros: Flying 1-drop that can regenerate

Cons: 0/1

Rating: 4/5

A conditionally unblockable 3/4 for 6? Yeah... no.

Pros: Conditionally unblockable

Cons: 3/4 for 6

Rating: 0.5/5

Complete waste of paper and ink.

Pros: Scalable lifegain

Cons: 4 for first 3 life, sorcery speed

Rating: 0/5

Spoiler Tyme: The Best and the Worst

So, in apology for being away for so long (internet issues in small towns are fun), here are my top 5 and bottom 5 picks for M15.

Bottom #5: Flesh to Dust 

I have no doubt that this will be seen in Limited, but it's going to be one of those cards that you don't want too many of because of how much it costs. Outside of Limited, the only decks it'll be run in are those made by new players who don't quite understand tempo or value.

Pros: Kills a dude, prevents regen

Cons: Costs 5, no additional effect

Rating: 1.5/5

Bottom #4: Mass Calcify

I didn't like it when it first came out and I still don't like it now. One of the biggest problems in Standard right now is Elspeth, Sun's Champion and this doesn't deal with it. Control decks won't run it either since it blows up their nice guys. Also, it costs 7. The only place I see this in is a one-of in the sideboard of an Azorius control deck in case they're being raced by some weird non-white deck.

Pros: Semi-boardwipe

Cons: Doesn't kill white, costs 7

Rating: 1.5/5

Bottom #3: Research Assistant

Merfolk Looter is a good card. Merfolk Looter with a toughness boost would be a better card. Merfolk Looter with a toughness boost that costs 4 to activate is a terrible card. 

Pros: Merfolk Looter with a toughness boost

Cons: Merfolk Looter with a 4 mana activation cost

Rating: 1/5

Bottom #2: Soul of Ravnica

It's 7 mana to maybe draw 5 cards on a somewhat blue-intensive card. So, to get maximum value out of this card, you have to play a card of a different colour each turn, tap out for this, drop another land on turn 7, then tap out again to fill up your hand. And while you're in Magic Christmas Land, you will draw a Nalathni Dragon, a Shichifukujin Dragon, and three Moxes.

Pros: Card draw

Cons: Expensive card draw, really requires multicoloured cards

Rating: 1/5

Bottom #1: Carnivorous Moss-Beast

It costs seven to put a +1/+1 counter on this. SEVEN. I don't think I need to say anything outside of that.

Pros: Plant Elemental Beast

Cons: IT COSTS SEVEN TO GIVE IT A +1/+1 COUNTER

Rating: 0/5

Best #5: Nissa, Worldwaker

Ain't gonna lie, I hate Nissa Revane. I know she's good in elf decks, but I think her scope was too narrow and I don't like her. WotC seems to have gotten the message and made this version as universal as possible. She may only come in with 3 counters (which is why she's not higher on the list), but in a mono-Green deck, she costs 1. Her other plus one creates a issue that demands an answer since 4/4 tramplers can be a problem. Her ult may not directly win you the game that turn, but unanswered it will.

Pros: Potential 1-cost walker, creates tramply problems

Cons: Best in mono-green, ult lets lands get wiped easily

Rating: 4/5

Best #4: Sunblade Elf

Is this the harbinger of Naya zoo coming back into Standard? Maybe, maybe not, but it's still an awesome little creature. It's kind of like Wild Nacatl but less likely to be banned. The other nice thing about it is that it has a relevant ability in case of the game running late. A mass +1/+1 buff may not seem like much, but it's often going to leave you in a much better position in case of matched blockers.

Pros: Basically a 2/2 for 1, relevant late-game effect

Cons: Requires white, just a 2/2 for 1

Rating: 4/5

Best #3: Polymorphist's Jest

This + Circle of Flame will be hilarious. This is going to be a great trick, especially if your opponent thinks they're swinging into a large, but weak field with their creatures. I also like the fact that it changes their colour, which will nullify anthems effect like Hall of Triumph.

Pros: Turns a field into frogs for a turn

Cons: Doesn't stop any additional pumps (such as +1/+1 counters)

Rating: 4/5

Best #2: Radiant Fountain

Some of you may cry "foul" for me putting this seemingly "meh" card so high on the list, but I have my reasons. 2 life may not seem like much, but it's 10% of your initial health, so it's actually more than you think. It also comes into play untapped, which again, my not seem like much, but it keeps you on tempo and allows you to play out your curve nicely.For a land that comes in untapped and gives you an effect, is there anything else you can feasibly ask for?

Pros: Comes in untapped, gains 2 life

Cons: Doesn't produce coloured mana

Rating: 4.5/5

Best #1: Aetherspouts

This is going to be a problem and I believe it will be a bigger issue than Cyclonic Rift for a lot of decks. Why? Well, Rift costs 7 to get the full effect, this costs 5. And while Rift hits everything, it also allows your opponent to replay everything. This doesn't. If I'm swinging in for lethal with 6 creatures, I don't want to be told that I'm going to either have to spend 6 turns getting all those creatures back or never seeing some of those creatures for probably the rest of the game. At least with Rift, I may be able to throw down a couple creatures in my second main phase to try and recover from this. The only weakness of this card is that it requires the creatures to be attacking, which is something that not all creatures do, but for your mana investment, this thing is amazing. Oh, and one more thing, notice the lack of targeting, meaning is eats through hexproof and shroud quite easily.

Pros: Tucks or tops all attacking creatures

Cons: Only hits attacking creatures

Rating: 5/5

Runners-Up (Bad): Kird Chieftain, Blastfire Bolt, Vineweft

Runners-Up (Good): Ajani Steadfast, Garruk, Apex Predator; Military Intelligence 

Coral Reef

Homelands sucked. Homelands really sucked. So, for two mana, you get: a card with four counters on it that has an incredibly expensive ability to remove a counter to give a tiny (albeit permanent) toughness buff. Here are example s of better cards that require creatures to tap: Arachnus Spider (despite requiring it to be a spider and only grabbing a specific card), Bramblesnap (despite only giving a +1/+1 bonus to itself), Nullmage Shepard (despite needing four creatures), and Unerring Sling (despite only allowing one creature to fight an attacking or blocking creature with flying for 3 mana once per turn). Oh wait, you can put counters back on it for the low, low price of sacrificing an Island? Yeah, how about no. In all fairness, the +0/+1 is permanent and it is rechargeable, but it's just been so outclassed almost immediately in subsequent sets.  What was with old blue Magic cards needing to sacrifice Islands?

Pros: Gives a toughness boost

Cons: Limited number of uses, requires mana and untapped blue creatures to activate, requires land sack to recharge

Rating: 0.5/5

Replacements: Grand Architect, Hall of Triumph, Power Matrix

Leviathan

Rawr! I's a monster! A really bad, expensive, destructive monster. Stat-wise, this thing is pretty underpowered. Often, if something has a power than is greater than its CMC, it can be balanced out by increasing the colour cost. A good example of this is Leatherback Baloth: it costs 3 CMC for a 4/5, but it's three green mana, which is a balancing factor. This card doesn't warrant 4 blue mana symbols. Very few cards actually have 4 mana symbols because it's kind of hard to justify such an expensive colour commitment. A 10/10 trampler for 5UUUU is already bad enough, but the fact that you have to sack a ton of Islands in order to do anything with it makes it all that much worse. I can see a lot of this happening if you try and run it:

"I sack 2 Islands to untap it and 2 more to swing in to deal you..."
"Agonizing Demise. Kicked."
"What?!"

"I believe you lose now."

*rage-quit*

If this had Shroud or Hexproof, it'd be a lot better but still not worth it. I can't actually see a situation where I'd want this over, say, a Thing from the Deep. Okay, maybe if I had a Homarid Spawning Bed...

Pros: Big 'n' beefy

Cons: Quad blue, tons of land sack required

Rating: 0/5

Phyrexian Debaser

A slight improvement to Phyrexian Denouncer in that this can flying and kills larger things. Still, not really a great cost for such a marginal effect. But, to its credit, it only has one card that it can be called inferior to in the same "costs exactly the same, isn't a permanent, and has a similar (or better) effect" category that I judged the Denouncer on: Gild. I guess it's good for 4-drop black removal then? Eh... No. It's still bad. Better than Denouncer, but still bad.

Pros: Flies, Crippling Fatigue on a stick, not Phyrexian Denouncer

Cons: Requires tap, requires sack, 2/2 for 4

Rating: 0.5/5

Phyrexian Denouncer

Talk about no bang for your buck. Having a Night on a stick can be quite useful even if it requires a sacrifice (look at Phyrexian Plaguelord for a good example of that), but this is just really sad. First, it has to tap in order to sack, so it has to stay around for a turn and not attack, which kind of lessens any combat trickability you might try and wring out of this. Second, it dies to give something -1/-1 until end of turn which isn't that great, especially for two mana. Here are better things you could spend your two mana on and get the same end result (or better): Chainer's Edict, Cruel Edict, Diabolic Edict, Dry Spell, Last Gasp, Nausea, Scent of Nightshade, Shrivel, and Steal Strength. I'm not saying that's every two-drop that's better than this; it's just every two-drop that costs 1B that isn't a creature that has no targeting restrictions or sack requirement. All in all, skip this card if you can.

Pros: Night on a stick

Cons: Requires sack, requires tap

Rating: 0/5

Quickie Time!

Since I haven't been keeping the site up-to-date lately sorry about that, legal stuff going on IRL), I figure I'd put up a few quickie reviews today. 

 Guided Strike

Not a bad combat trick, especially with the cantrip. Pretty good for its cost.

Pros: Decent combat trick, cantrip

Cons: Only gives +1/+0

Rating: 3.5/5

Withstand

A bad combat trick, even with the cantrip. Pretty weak for its cost.

Pros: Cantrip, Dawnfluke

Cons: Costs 3

Rating: 0/5

Flight

Does what it says on the package. No bonuses, just flying.

Pros: Gives flying

Cons: Gives no other bonuses

Rating: 2/5

Guard Gomazoa

Pretty boss blocker. Dies too easily to removal, but is still a great chump.

Pros: Amazing blocker

Cons: Fairly removable

Rating: 3/5

Ogre Savant

A wee bit too expensive for a conditional Unsummon on a 3/2 in my opinion. Okay in Limited, but that's about it.

Pros: Unsummon of a dude

Cons: Unsummon is conditional, 3/2 for 5

Rating: 1.5/5

Black Lotus

Pretty good. Bad top deck if you have no cards in hand.

Pros: 3 mana for 0

Cons: Kind of pricey, bad top deck

Rating: 5/5

Evil Eye of Orms-by-Gore

We need more Eye creatures. Not that great since it's basically just unblockable, but locks your creatures out from attacking and it's only 3 damage. Fun to Donate.

Pros: Basically unblockable

Cons: Locks your own creatures, 3/6 for 5

Rating: 2/5

Coastal Hornclaw

What the... I don't even... Why?! I don't think that I need to explain why this card is so bad. So, I'm just going to list some other 3/3s for 5 that are much better than this:

Aerie Mystics

Bloodlord of Vaasgoth

Brood Sliver

Catapult Master

Chainer, Dementia Master

Crypt Angel

Gilt-Leaf Archdruid

Keldon Firebombers

Lightning Reaver

Morphling

Pentarch Paladin

Sen Triplets

Spiketail Drake

Stocking Tiger

Thran Golem

Torchling

Ursapine

Voidstone Gargoyle

Vulturous Zombie

Zealous Conscripts

Zuberi, Golden Feather

Pros: Creature

Cons: Requires a land sack to fly, 3/3 for 5

Rating: 0/5

Fleshpulper GIant

This card is really bad. It's a weaker Strangling Soot with a Bonebreaker Giant attached to it. It just doesn't do enough for 7. I'd much rather run something like Dakmor Lancer since it's cheaper and more versatile. It's just not that impressive of a card.

Pros: Kills a little creature

Cons: 4/4 for 7, only kills a tiny creature

Rating: 0.5/5

Samite Alchemist

Yeah... There's a good reason Homelands is considered one of the worst sets in the history of Magic and this is a prime example of why that is. First, this is a 0/2 for 4. There are only 2 0/2s that are worth paying 4+: Azami, Lady of Scrolls and Vedalken Archmage. This thing is nowhere near either of those cards. Second, preventing damage is sort of okay, but paying for it makes it less than okay. Hallowed Healer and Master Healer are examples of better creatures who can prevent damage (not the best, just better than this). Finally, it frosts the creature it protects. Why would you ever want that for your own creature?! You get to pay 2 mana for the privilege to not use that creature the next turn. Yay...? So yeah, there's nothing nice to say about this card at all.

Pros: It's a creature

Cons: Pay-to-save, frosts saved creature, 0/2 for 4

Rating: 0/5 

300th Post: The Community's Worst

Yay! 300th post! Not actual my 300th post about Magic cards per se, but 300th anyway. So, in honour of this momentous occasion, I'm going to look at each different type of card (land, instant, sorcery, planeswalker, enchantment, artifact, creature) and take a look at the card of each type that the community has deemed to be the worst of the worst and see if they deserve to be at the bottom.

Land: Untaidake, the Cloud Keeper

Rating: 0.881/5

Yeah, this is well deserving of a low rank, but I don't think it deserves the worst rank out of all the lands. Why? This taps for mana. Hell, it taps for something! You know what doesn't tap for anything? Seafarer's Quay and its kin. At least this thing can produce something and isn't a complete waste of your land drop. Still, Shocking yourself for restricted colourless mana is just terrible.

Pros: Produces one than one mana

Cons: Enters tapped, Shock yourself, restricted use, colourless

Rating: 0/5

Worst Land?: No

Instant: Break Open

Rating: 0.878/5

There's no question; this card is the worst Instant. First, the scope of this card is fairly limited, so it's a sideboard card at best. Second, it only targets an opponent's creatures, meaning you can't use it to benefit yourself. Finally, Morph creatures only require that they be turned face-up, meaning that if you use this on a Brine Elemental, you're suddenly missing your next untap step. I really wish that this turned an opponent's creature face-down instead. Yeah, it'd be powerful, but it'd be better than this!

Pros: Takes up an empty slot

Cons: Can only flip opponents' creatures

Rating: 0/5

Worst Instant?: Yes

Sorcery: Kamahl's Sledge

Rating: 0.865/5

I already looked at this card here. It barely deserves the worst spot, inching out Hint of Insanity.

Worst Sorcery?: Yes, barely

Planeswalker: Tibalt, the Fiend-Blooded

Rating: 3.069/5

Again, I looked at this card here. I stand by my 0.5/5 rating.

Worst Planeswalker?: Yes

Enchantment: Defensive Stance

Rating: 0.895/5

As far as I'm concerned, this is not the worst enchantment in Magic. That honour should go to Great Wall since it's so limited. However, this card is still in the bottom 5. An extra point of toughness isn't going to do a hell of a lot. An extra point of toughness alongside taking away a point of power is going to do a hell of a lot less.

Pros: Gives a point of toughness

Cons: Takes away a point of power, only gives a point of toughness

Rating: 0/5

Worst Enchantment?: No

Artifact: Razor Boomerang

Rating: 0.792/5

Yeah, this review explains why this is here.

Worst Artifact?: Yes

Creature: Aven Trooper

Rating: 0.806/5

Finally, we come to the worst creature and this thing definitely deserves that title. It's too weak for its cost and the ability is also overcosted. Just bad on all points.

Pros: Flying

Cons: Everything is too expensive, requires discard

Rating: 0/5

Worst Creature?: Yes

Worst Card: Razor Boomerang (Still)

Thanks for the patronage guys! Here's to 300 more post in the future!

Celestial Prism

If both costs were dropped by 1, this would be a lot better. In fact, it would pretty much be Prismatic Lens, except without the ability to make mana on its own. Yeah, this is pretty much a worse Prismatic Lens. It costs too much for a good filter since it's 2-for-1 and you can only use it once (remember, Mono Artifacts had to tap to use their abilities), so it's pretty bad.

Pros: Filters mana

Cons: Worse Prismatic Lens

Replacement: Prismatic Lens

Rating: 0.5/5

Thermal Blast

If Fiery Conclusion isn't a good card, this sure as hell isn't either. At it's base level, it's a 5 mana Flamecast Wheel, which is slightly better, but it's still bad. If you have threshold, it's a non-sacrificial Firey Conclusion that costs almost triple. This would only garner 1 star if it said "creature or player". It's just really bad. Really really bad.

Pros: Non-sacrificial Firey Conclusion sometimes, better than Ember Shot

Cons: 5 mana, requires Threshold for max efficiency

Rating: 0/5

Suffocating Blast + Cancel + Flamecast Wheel (Triple Header!)

It's Cancel with a Flamecast Wheel-like spell attached, so I guess we have to look at both parts before looking at it as a whole.

Is this a good card? I guess, but it's no Counterspell. Well, it's a counterspell, but it's not the Counterspell. It's a solid back-up, but not really a good choice for a main counterspell, mainly due to the cost. You want to be able to counter stuff as early as possible, and turn 3 may be too late against some decks.

Is this a good card? No. No it is not. There is no reason to run this card. If you have space for it, run a Forest instead. Even if you don't have any green cards, a Forest will always serve you better. However, its badness has to do mostly with the fact that it costs a full 6 to use. If it was 1 to go down 2 to activate, then it would be a lot better (sort of like an improved Moonglove Extract).

So, back to Suffocating Blast. It's made of an okay card and a bad card, albeit if both of those cards were cheaper, they'd be better. So, if we divide the cost of Suffocating Blast amongst its two components, it basically becomes a Counterspell with a slightly weaker Searing Spear. So, the question becomes: is a Counterspell with a mini-Searing Spear attached in one card good? Yes, it is. My only major issue is that it's very colour-intensive, so it's basically relegated to the world of Izzet decks. The cost is high, but since it's 2 cards in one, that is to be expected.

Cancel

Pros: Counterspell

Cons: Costs 3

Rating: 2.5/5

Flamecast Wheel

Pros: Colourless damage

Cons: Costs 6 for 3 damage to a creature

Rating: 0/5

Suffocating Blast

Pros: Counterspell with creature damage

Cons: Colour intensive, costs 4

Rating: 4/5

Kamahl's Sledge

Let's sing a little song. It's called "How to Make A Burn Spell". Here we go!

Make sure the cost ain't too high // Or else you're probably gonna die

This "burn" spell costs way too much for a burn spell. The point of burn is that it's cheap and fast and this is neither. Someone pointed out on the Gatherer comments that it's "8 damage for 7" if you have threshold. As someone else pointed out on those same comments: "I'd rather run Lash Out".

It's gotta be real real fast // To make sure you're not last

As I just said, burn spells have to be cheap and fast. Sorcery-speed burn has to be really good to run because you're losing your speed advantage. Cards like Pillar of Flame and Anger of the Gods are good examples because they get rid of the creature(s) permanently or Pyroclasm because it does a relatively large amount of damage for its cost. This is too slow and does too little.

Targeting only creatures is okay // But creatures might not be alive all day

Some cards, like Flame Slash, can get away with targeting only creatures because it's quick (early game) and does a lot of damage. But, if your burn deck is running properly, there shouldn't be many creatures around for very long, so you'll run out of targets for your creature-only spells. Burn spells, in my opinion, should usually have a choice between gribbly and man for targets.

Follow these steps to give your card an edge // If you don't you might get Kamahl's Sledge

I like this song.

Pros: Does damage to a creature and maybe a player

Cons: Costs 7 for 4 damage to a creature without threshold, sorcery-speed

Rating: 0/5